Like Hitler,
and others, it seems Obama also has the honour of adorning the most important
room in the house. One does not actually see the vile spot where the paper is
used but it requires many years training in skilled fingers. It is not a piece of my
anatomy I have seen – literally or figuratively. Obama is perhaps the only one
who does see my nought. Better than actually using this paper, is the few
moments of quiet contemplation about actually using the paper.
There are
two things I can do about paper-fail.
First, to
make up for all the paper-fails, I, as Fokjo in Chief, have declared a public
holiday as compensation. This is an official global holiday. ’Paper Fail Day’.
Global, because everybody who uses loo paper, experiences paper-fail some or
other time. Therefor everybody recognizes such days, and I have just declared a
Public Holiday at full pay. And Global to boot. Seeing as the paper industry
takes no responsibility for the performance or non-performance of their product
this day will serve as compensation.
Second, the prospect
of your fingers unintentionally coming into contact with your nought can be
stressful and/or infuriating. In the end, such a finger is bothersome because
extra special care has to be taken in getting dressed without touching your
clothes, in washing carefully and diligently, and not thinking about who you
will next meet and shake hands with. “Hello Moho, I had a paper-fail, but I did
wash my hands five times, paying special attention to my finger.”
For those of
you who find it particularly stressful just thinking whether the paper will
fail or not (and use whole wads of paper that block the drains) I have designed
and patented customized paper that will not fail. I have managed this feat by
manufacturing it with ready-made finger holes. No more stress. Your finger will
meet the mark. Fail safe ringer. Nought at 100%
The Muslim
fetish is to do the cleanup with the left hand, leaving the right hand ‘clean’
to eat and greet etc. In the legal process a thief has his right hand lopped
off leaving him with the left defiled hand. This makes him a social outcast. I
have always wondered though for those who still have both hands, how one washes
the left hand without using the right hand.
I get great pleasure in greeting these people with
a firm right hand shake as a . . .
Fokjo.
