Paper Fail Day

Like Hitler, and others, it seems Obama also has the honour of adorning the most important room in the house. One does not actually see the vile spot where the paper is used but it requires many years training in skilled fingers. It is not a piece of my anatomy I have seen – literally or figuratively. Obama is perhaps the only one who does see my nought. Better than actually using this paper, is the few moments of quiet contemplation about actually using the paper.

What fleetingly passes one’s mind is that perhaps this paper will fail in the same way that the Obama administration does.

There are two things I can do about paper-fail.

First, to make up for all the paper-fails, I, as Fokjo in Chief, have declared a public holiday as compensation. This is an official global holiday. ’Paper Fail Day’. Global, because everybody who uses loo paper, experiences paper-fail some or other time. Therefor everybody recognizes such days, and I have just declared a Public Holiday at full pay. And Global to boot. Seeing as the paper industry takes no responsibility for the performance or non-performance of their product this day will serve as compensation.

Second, the prospect of your fingers unintentionally coming into contact with your nought can be stressful and/or infuriating. In the end, such a finger is bothersome because extra special care has to be taken in getting dressed without touching your clothes, in washing carefully and diligently, and not thinking about who you will next meet and shake hands with. “Hello Moho, I had a paper-fail, but I did wash my hands five times, paying special attention to my finger.”

For those of you who find it particularly stressful just thinking whether the paper will fail or not (and use whole wads of paper that block the drains) I have designed and patented customized paper that will not fail. I have managed this feat by manufacturing it with ready-made finger holes. No more stress. Your finger will meet the mark. Fail safe ringer. Nought at 100%

The Muslim fetish is to do the cleanup with the left hand, leaving the right hand ‘clean’ to eat and greet etc. In the legal process a thief has his right hand lopped off leaving him with the left defiled hand. This makes him a social outcast. I have always wondered though for those who still have both hands, how one washes the left hand without using the right hand.

 I get great pleasure in greeting these people with a firm right hand shake as a . . .

Fokjo.